Time Has Come

12 Steps for everyone!

Strange Brew

Tardiness

Normal Parents

Centerness

Feeding the wolves

I can find so much peace and serenity from the stories and legends of the Native Americans.   

An elder Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about life.  He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me ... it is a terrible fight and it is  between two wolves.  One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.   The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and  faith.  The same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too."

They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"  The old Cherokee simply replied...  "The one you feed."

My Love With Native American Spirituality...

"This knowledge came to us from the outer world with our religion. Everything the Power of the World does is done in a circle. The sky is round, and I have heard that the earth is round like a ball, and so are all the stars. The wind, in its greatest power, whirls. Birds make their nests in circles, for theirs is the same religion as ours. The sun comes forth and goes down again in a circle. The moon does the same, and both are round.  Even the seasons form a great circle in their changing, and always come back again to where they were. The life of a man is a circle from childhood to childhood, and so it is in everything where power moves. Our teepees were round like the nests of birds, and these were always set in a circle, the nation's hoop, a nest of many nests, where the Great Spirit meant for us to hatch our children." - Black Elk - Oglala Sioux


 It was because of my alcoholism that I began looking at different philosophies and religions of the world to find my own unique Higher Power. I'm not talking about religion and truth be told it upsets me when others can't separate religion from spirituality. I believe religion is a very private and personal thing that is between me and my Creator. Spirituality, to me, is the presence of someone or something that makes my life more manageable while I'm alive. With that being said, I would like to share something I read years ago and was recently reintroduced too.  And that is the power of circles.

When I said I studied different beliefs early in my recovery, my mind really opened a lot when I looked at mythology... especially the Greeks and Romans. As I read the stories it was easy for me to imagine living in a time like that, before science, which would make everything into a special Higher Power. From a thunderstorm, to fires, to earthquakes... it was all because of the gods that these things happened.

For me, it all came together when I started looking at the ways of the American Indian. I believe it was from the book Black Elk Speaks that I began learning about the power of the circle for an individual. The Indian believed that no good can come in a square or a rectangle... it puts boundaries on not only the physical body but also the soul as well. And it was with this faith that the elders of the Indians believed this was why they didn't do well on reservations... they were given houses and huts that were square and their circle died, which killed part of them.

The Lakota believe that the center of the Universe was in the Black Hills of South Dakota, yet it was also said that wherever you were was the center of the universe. And part of that center was the circle that covered you... an invisible tube that protected you as well as guided you.

With a circle, there isn't any straight lines like that in a square. Straight lines that could stop your progress. Squares also have corners that could trap you. But a circle? No straight lines to stop your progress, nor corners to trap you. You are free to move in any direction and your journey can move freely.

Our universe, is part of a large circle. The earth where we live is a circle. The water and the land are part of that circle. Every breath we take is not only a part of our individual circle, but also part of earth's circle.

We also can use a circles as an imaginary friend. Just look at the ground in front of you. See that circle... in it place your good traits... your honesty and integrity... everything that is good place in that circle... step forward and as you do... give thanks to your Higher Power for your strengths which were freely given to you and enjoy your walk and journey in the circle of life.

Native American 10 Commandments

1. The Earth is our mother; Care for her

2. Honor all your relations

3. Open your heart and soul to the great Spirit

4. All life is sacred; treat all beings with respect

5. Take from the Earth what is needed and nothing more

6. Do what needs to be done for the good of all

7. Give constant thanks to the great Spirit for each new day

8. Speak the truth, but only of the good in others

9. Follow the rhythms of nature; rise and retire with the sun

10. Enjoy life's journey, but leave no tracks



 

original origin is unknown

Closter, NJ Vietnam Vets

Below is the list of men and women who served during the Vietnam War.  Not everyone on the list served in Vietnam but rather they were in active duty during the conflict.  The list are people from my hometown.  And a note - 1(*) means killed in action and 2(**) means wounded in action...

Richard Ambrose
James Amendola*
Walter Ancker
Daniel Anderson
Alfred Anderson
Robert Anderson
Valerie Barkley
Howard Bartholf
Harold Beaumont
Robert Beaumont
David Berrian
Thomas Berrian
Richard Biggar
Jo Anne Binaghi
Word Bizzell
Henry Blankenship**
Joseph Blais
Thomas Bosco
Norman Bottie
Thomas Braun
Tim Brinkerhoff
Frederick Brue
Geoffrey Brue
Wayne Brue
Paul Carabetta
Richard Christensen
John Kenneth Conboy
John Kevin Conboy
Michael Conway
William Cook
David Cosgrove
Lawrence Crawford
James D'Amico
Stephen Daly
James DaMico
Nicholas DaMico
Paul Daraghy
Donald deMarigny
Robert deMarigny
Robert Depinto
David Doremus
Raymond Dorow
John Doyle**
Harold Endres
Bruce Evans

Barbara Farrell
Kevin Flanagan
Daniel Fitzgerald
John Fitzgerald
Lawrence Fitzgerald
Ralph Folsom     
George Foss
James Frank      
Robert Frank**
Peter Fulchiron
Albert Giannotti
John Giannotti   
Donald Gill**
Charles Gnerlich
Robert Gnerlich
Ken Guile        
Kenneth Haass
Michael Harm     
Richard Harm
Donald Harvey    
William Hayes
Walter Hawley
Mark Hettinger
Dennis Hoag     
Glenn Hoag  
Gary Hoag       
Louis Hoffman
Anthony Holmes**   
Edward Holtzbach
Michael Horowitz
William Howley
David Hughes  
Dennis Iafrate
Doug Isbecque
Ron Jacobs       
Hugh Johnson

Donald Jones    
Walter Kangas
Allen Kanze      
David Kanze
Anthony Karlovich
Joseph Keegan**
Bernard Kelly    
John Koker
Robert Kuhnert   
James Langhorst
Denis Lapp      
Michael Lapp
Allen Layne JR   
Ronnie Layne
Craig Limbert    
Frank Limbert
Anthony Lione**  
James Locovare
Thomas Locovare
Wayne Lowery
Earl Lucious
Richard Lynott
Charles Lyons   
Everett MacDonald
Robert Magel
Bruce Marshall  
Joseph Martin JR
Robert Maurer  
Laurence McCabe
Dennis McGuire**
Francis McLean  
Thomas McNamara
Ronald Menti    
Frank Mitchell

John Mitchell JR
James Moeser   
Donald Mollicone*
Clifford Morelli
John Motta
Robert Mueller  
Anthony Nasuto JR
Roy Nicolosi   
Joseph Novack**
Thomas Oettinger
Emory Oman
Edward Onny
Andrew Orlich
James O'Shaughnessy*
Thomas O'Shaughnessy
John Paccagnini  
Donald Parsells
Frederick Parsells
Reginald Parsells
Russell Parsells
William Parsells
Robert Pierro
Thomas Pierro
Gerald Poh       
Patricia Portas
Richard Prodigo  
Robert Regino
William Ricciardella
Robert Richard
Albert Richardson
Charles Richardson
Arnold Ritter     
Robert Roe
Lynn Rosso      
John Saladino
Robert Santo     
Al Savianeso
Robert Scherer   
Thomas Scherer
Ernest Schirmer  
Kenneth Shauble*
James Skinner    
Walter Soderquist
Joel Stern       
Roy Stevenson
Gary Stewart   
Richard Stone
Richard Terrell
Louis Troiano
Warren Vanderbush
Thomas Wanamaker
Dean Ward
Stephen Woodard
Edmond Wynn

Note - * - Killed in Action **- Wounded in Action

Men (And Women) Of Closter

Front of the courthouse,
it found its home.
Names of people,
standing together,
yet… all alone.
Served their country
in a far away land.
In the jungles of Vietnam
they made their stand.

There was respect for names
on the wall.
The town of Closter,
was proud of them all.
Young men and women,
from my hometown.
Most made it back…
but… four ended up in the ground.

A few years earlier,
going to school,
at old Demarest.
Then we prayed,
that they’d be blessed.
No longer girls and boys,
playing games with innocent toys.

Only their “brothers” could understand,
when they returned,
from that strange land.
It’s been thirty years since wars end.
Hearts still healing,
still on the mend…
I hope we never forget,
to be proud of our…
Vietnam Vets

Known But To God

What happened to you?
How did you die?
Where did it occur?
Were you a husband, a dad?
Or were you a wife, a mom?

So many questions,
yet… the answers will never be known.
We can say… your home!
Not the place of your birth,
but a place of respect… and love.

A place of peace…
where we can promise…
you’ll never be hurt again.
Forever guarded… forever protected

A nation will come and visit you,
and witness the dignity of your life.
When we walk away,
we’ll leave with pride…
You fought for us and our ideals,
and though we’ll never know
who you were, we’re comforted…
that you’re known to God.

Reflections In The Wall

the mirrored image
doesn’t show the many names
symbolic in the realm…
that the name and the mirror
could be ours

starts slowly in a triangle
just a name or two
more steps… more panels…
many more names

approaching the middle
an overpowering presence
of life… and the loss of…
the head tilts back
to see all their names

who were they…
where were they from…
someone’s child…
maybe a parent…
someone’s brother or sister

a name on a wall
but our reflection
tells their story…
they had dreams and hopes
and like us…
they were people

Our Boy Is A Man

we changed your diapers
and watched you grow…
so very fast
little league baseball
and midget football
you learned to compete
we shared your victories
and hugged you through defeats

where did the time go
one year in kindergarten
then… off to the prom
riding a tricycle
then… cruising main street
in your sports car
holding mommy and daddy’s hands
then… hugging your own child

you grew into a young man
and made choices…
that brought us pride
but now we’ll live with anxiety
we’re parents and we’ll always…
think of you as our little boy
and as you fight to protect our freedom
we’ll count the days until you come home

we’re sorry if we shed some tears
and don’t want to stop hugging you
but it’s the last time we’ll see you for awhile
we know you’re trained and ready to go
just always remember…
your whole family loves you

The Presidents

42 men have led our great nation
through trials and tribulations
so many sleepless nights
but our freedom is worth the fight
sometimes we take for granted
all that they have done
their decisions are the reason
our flag still flies in the sun

Veterans can't depend on VA for assistance

I use to enjoy this time of the year. A presidential election around the corner, celebrating our heritage as a nation. This year, with troops in Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere around the world, who cares about Vietnam? The Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and their counterparts Texans for Truth, have made this election a joke and we should all be outraged! I believe the more important issue is what happen to the veterans when they returned home? I'm not talking about parades or a pat on the back, I'm talking about years from now. Will the government keep their promises to all these heroes? Right now, I can say they won't! Last year I wrote a poem entitled "Where is the VA?", which the Daily-Sun published on Veteran's Day. From that time to July 30, 2004, I watched a World War II veteran fade away. This veteran was my father-in-law, George Rohr. The VA seemed to do everything possible to help speed along the process. To cut costs, seeing a VA doctor became a once a year appointment. The government "outsourced" its responsibility to local doctors, which would have been OK, if the government, worked with these doctors. The last year and a half of my father-in-laws life was filled with disgust for a government he believed in his whole life.

In the end, he was tired and in pain. For family members the last 24 hours will never be forgotten. A feeling of hopelessness with acceptance. And we were all comforted by the fact that nurses, doctors, and Hospice, all said he was in no pain. You want to know something? I now understand his disgust. The VA, won't pay for the pain medication, because they didn't approve it! The VA would have rather seen an old man suffer and die in pain, instead of paying $650 as a final "Thank you" to one of its heroes!

I think its time we tell our politicians to stop it! Stop the lies, stop the games. Our nation deserves more then this. Instead of wondering who did what in Vietnam, maybe we should be more concerned about who is going to take care of all these veterans. The poem below I wrote, trying to share my frustration, with an issue that isn't right, and both political parties seem to ignore.



BROKEN, NEVER DEFEATED!

Families cried when they went to war.
Cheered! Upon return, walking through their door!
They were all happy and relieved.
Years later, they learned, they were deceived.
 
For the soldier, the war would never end.
The government destroyed his heart -
It was impossible to mend.
Tossed aside, hoping they'd disappear.
The VA, taught them a new fear.
Clinics and doctors, rarely returning calls.
Their appointments, they'd sit, for hours,
Staring at the walls.
 
As the soldier dies,
He leaves behind a family, to mourn and cry.
They remember, their hero,
Dressed in white, green, or blue.
Then the VA says, "We're not quite through!"
"This bill won't be paid,
Because of an error that was made."
"One other thing, we should mention,
His wife, is not entitled to his pension."
For the USA, he fought, day after day.
He believed in what he was fighting for.
But, in the end the VA - SLAM SHUT THE DOOR.

Veterans should be getting help due them from the government

Veterans Day is a holiday for the men and women who have served for our nation. It isn't a holiday for our government.

This past year, The Legion magazine has done a series of articles on the health care for our heroes. It's basically, in a shambles. Budget cuts and broken promises are the rule rather then the exception. There were stories of veterans waiting over a year to see a doctor. Another story, was with a gentleman who after waiting 18 months, finally got an appointment. His appointment was in a college gym, where he and hundreds of other veterans were serviced all in one day.

Our government made a promise to these people. Now that they are no longer needed, the promises are being broken. If you're a World War II vet or a Korean vet, your chances of getting help are slipping away. From what I've seen in the last year, the older veterans are left out in the cold, their government waiting for them to die.

This is from experience. My ex-father-in-law is a WWII veteran, a humble man who has never had mass riches or wealth. The one thing he could count on was good medical care, until recently. First, the Lincoln VA was drastically cut back in size. More and more of his appointments were in Omaha. That's a long way for an 86 year old man with diabetes. Then in March, he had some serious medical problems. We called for our local ambulance, then was transported 20 miles to a community hospital. Checked out there, then transported to a larger hospital in Lincoln.

The VA wouldn't pay the bill because the ambulance, stopped at the community hospital. They didn't care that our local ambulance didn't have the equipment, nor the personnel, to travel the extra 45 miles. I've known this man for over seven years and until this year, I've never seen him upset or worried. He could share horror stories about his time in Japan, but there was no hate in his voice. His health is now to the point, where he couldn't return home. Both my in-laws are now residents at a assisted living facility. Every day, my ex-wife and sister-in-law try to calm them down because the VA won't pay this bill or that bill. But through it all, they still believe in our government. They just wish they would honor their promise. None of this was a handout, it was a commitment from our government. A commitment based on the ideal of keeping America - America!

I'm sharing a poem that illustrates my feelings on veterans and the government.

 WHERE IS THE VA? 

Saved some money.
The nation won't forget.
Though our government will.
Thinking, families would soon forget,
They never looked back with regret.
It was just a building.
Sure, it served our heroes.
Medical staff, helped as best they could
For our leaders, just a structure,
Made of brick and wood.

Vets shared stories,
Some told many times.
They weren't always about glory,
In the end, they found peace of mind.
Others, were never told before.
These men found comfort,
Inside the building's doors.
There were no dads, brothers, or sons.
Just guys sharing stories,
From when they carried a gun.

At nights, these buildings...
Sit silent and in the dark.
You can almost hear the whispers,
Of children, running the halls,
Their fingerprints, covering the walls.
Visiting dads and grandpas, too.
Giving them hugs, saying, "I love you."
From the road driving by,
You knew, America's best, were inside.
A handout isn't what they received,
A commitment from their government,
Is what they believed.

Different ages, different wars,
Come on USA, open the VA doors.
To see a doctor, takes a year or more.
Come on, please, re-open the VA doors.
Don't care, what their age.
Come on, let our heroes in.
The way they're being treated,
Is nothing short of a sin.

The poem Where is the VA? is from the book Damaged Merchandise

Christmas In Iraq

As a child, I remember my parents sending “care” packages to my brother, Mike, while he was in Vietnam. At that time, our only means of communication was by mail. We’d wait sometimes for weeks to get a response. Everyday checking the mail. It was a joyous event when that letter finally arrived. We’d take turns reading that letter over and over again. I had forgotten about those times tilla new set of letters entered my life... 

A couple of years ago, I received an e-mail from a gentleman wondering if I was any relation to the Harm family that lived in Closter, New Jersey and if I had a brother named Mike.  After a few e-mails I found out that Howard lived a couple a streets away from our home.  He played baseball with my brothers and they were in the Cub Scouts together.

Over time, I learned that Howard was a career military man who had also served his country in Vietnam.  Through our conversations he sent me some old clippings from our home town and a list of all who served in Vietnam from our community.  For me, it was a trip down memory lane and one that inspired me to write a poem about the Closter Vietnam Vet.  That Veteran’s Day, Howard read my poem at a ceremony dedicating a new Veteran’s Park, in Closter, NJ.

Howard and I still exchange occasional e-mails and share stories about our lives.  Recently, he sent me an exchange he had with his son, who at the time was serving in Iraq.

“Hi buddy, How are things going?  Have any of the packages I sent arrived yet?  I have mailed you three. What do you guys think about the Rumsfeld resignation? If you get a chance, send me an e-mail and tell me what they have been having you do.  Stay safe and take care.” - Love you bud,  Dad and Jan 
In the days of Vietnam, there wasn’t any Internet.  Waiting for an answer seemed like an eternity.  What use to take weeks, now only takes a matter of days or maybe even minutes.  But for a parent, I’m sure it still feels like an eternity. 
“Dad,
Yes, I received two boxes and a letter the day before yesterday.  I think it actually arrived earlier, but I was so busy I didn't have time to pick up mail until the day before yesterday.  I have been flying my tail off.  5 or 6 hours at a time.  I've already hit 15 hours Combat Flight time, and that's in 3 flights.  I flew today during the day and this place is crazy.  I flew two night missions before today, so I didn't actually see what this place looks like during the day.  I guess in Biblical terms this was where life began(Babylon), and some of it is beautiful, however, most of the landscape is scared by war, and the Iraqis burn everything, including sewage, so there is quite an odor in the air.  There are thousands of canals branching off the Euphraties and the Tigris Rivers, giving the enemy plenty of places to hide.  Anyway, I was really happy to receive mail from home.  The Virginia Peanuts are fantastic and my roommate Rich agrees.  Thanks for everything, I should be set for quite sometime.  The Christmas Tree is awesome and I have it set up in my room.  I
remember seeing a picture of you in Vietnam with your Xmas tree.  It's strange how we've kinda been down the same road in life.  I was going to wait until after Thanksgiving to set up the tree, but I said what the heck, I'm in Iraq.  We'll start celebrating Xmas early.  The music book and army bottle opener were a very nice touch.  Thanks for my American Legion Membership Card and especially the picture of Madelyn Grace, she is adorable.  It's amazing how much she resembles Steve.  What a cutie!  The Cashews are great and they really help out when I work through meals.  We're almost too busy to eat sometimes.  Rumsfeld, I don't think anyone here cares about him anymore.  A lot of guys were pretty happy.  I guess the Democrats are back.  We'll see how they handle this war.  Hopefully we can accomplish our mission and get home.  We would be done here if the Iraqis would get on board and fight for their country.  Well, its 1:45am my time and I'm exhausted, must go to sleep now.  Thanks again for the packages, you guys are great.  I love you guys and tell everyone I said hello.  Tell Scott I'm waiting for my email from him.  Ok, I'll talk to you guys soon.”
Your Son,
Ryan
It is easy to feel the love between a father and his son in this letter.  I feel honored that Howard has shared this letter with me and given me permission to share it with you.  Ryan makes a comparison by remembering seeing a picture of his Dad next to a Christmas tree in Vietnam, now he has a Christmas tree in Iraq.  Not where either one of them wanted to be, but both realizing they were called to duty and a job had to be done.  Our soldiers for generations have given so much and have asked for so little.  They deserve our respect and our support.  This holiday season pray for our soldiers safety and pray that by this time next year everyone is back home.

More of these e-mail exchanges can be found here

Thinking Of Our Angel

Thinking of our Angel I wrote on the sixth anniversary of Andrea's death. ( 5 FEB 2006)

Andrea Marie Scherling, was a lot more then my stepson Brad's girlfriend. She was a friend to everyone she ever met. I truly believe she knew her time in this world would be short, so she lived it with love and happiness...

It's been six years,
yet... time seems
like it was yesterday.

Wonderful memories
will always guide us
and lead us...

We all know
that we were blessed...
a vibrant smile,
a warmth shown
by an enlightened
spiritual presence.

It's been six years
since Andrea Marie left
and it's been six years
since an angel
entered our lives

We've been blessed
more then once
for we know
by our side...
she will stay

Andrea Scherling

My tribute poems started with the lady pictured below.  The poem below is not one of them though.  Andrea
Scherling wrote it two weeks before her death. Andrea died at the age of 18, from a rare heart defect. She
was truly a special person, wise before her years. She left this world on February 5, 2000. She loved to
write, years later, people were still finding notes of hers. So today, I'd like to introduce her to all of you.

Andrea wrote this in a card and gave it to me, shortly before one of my ex-wife's surgeries for cancer. She
was a vital part of our families recovery plans. She often stayed up late talking with Betty at our kitchen
table. She offered to babysit, if Betty couldn't do it and offered to drive Betty to her chemo sessions. She
was a true friend to this whole family and I'm still amazed at how much she taught me. Andrea was part of
the reason, my book ended up with a chapter entitled "Omega." When I presented the idea to include her in
my book to her Mom, she loved it, saying her worse fear would be that people would forget her daughter.
Believe me, anyone who knew her will never forget her.  Now folks... here is Andrea...

"The love of those,
who care for us,
can be a healing thing.
As warm and bright and comforting,
as sunny days in spring.
The love of those who care for us,
So often brings a smile.
To cheer our thoughts,
To lift our hearts,
To make life, more worthwhile.

The love of those who care for us,
Can help us everyday.
For love's the kind of miracle,
That always finds a way."

No, this won't be easy,
Nor will it be short.
But the situation exists.
What we need to do now,
Is let the doctors do their work,
And be at Betty's side.

Through each operation,
And each therapy session,
We must hold Betty's hand.
She is strong and so are you.
But when you start to break down,
Dave, remember all the people,
That are here for you.
I'll be the first in line,
To listen, if you let me.
Let's get Betty through this.
God Bless,
Sincerely,
Andrea Scherling